sea of enchantment cruise ship

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LEVEL UP YOUR GETAWAY

Enchantment of the seas.

Say ‘goodbye’ the weekday grind and ‘hello’ to new discoveries.

Give your routine a rest and press pause on reality, because adventure is well within reach. Whether you’re chasing thrills on the rock climbing wall or soaking up the sunshine poolside at the adults-only Solarium, Enchantment of the Seas® is what getaway goals are made of.  

Your Getaway Awaits

That vacation will not book itself — start exploring these epic itineraries.

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UNWIND FROM THE GRIND OR HIT THE THRILLS

Spend your time poolside soaking up sunshine and serenity, or fill your days with new ways to play and non-stop action on every deck. On this ship, how you live it up is entirely up to you.  

ACTIVITIES FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Take advantage of all the games onboard, for the kids to enjoy at the arcade to the adults at the casino. So much to do for all the members of the family.

EXPLORE ONBOARD ACTIVITIES

MARVEL AT EVERY MEAL

No matter what kind of flavors you’re in the mood for, every bite onboard is bound to thrill you. Head to Park Café for deli delights — like the famous “Kummelweck” roast beef sandwich — or Chops Grille℠ for a hallmark steakhouse experience spotlighting prime cuts of meat and decadent seafood.

EXPLORE ONBOARD DINING

FROM BROADWAY TO BOLEROS

Belt out classics from your favorite Broadway shows and box office hits in the original production Stage to Screen, or bang your head along to rock-and-roll tunes from iconic films in Can’t Stop the Rock. And if you’re craving a little cardio, skip the gym and head to Boleros where you can show off your salsa moves to the sound of a live six-piece band.

EXPLORE BARS & NIGHTLIFE

GET INTO A WESTERN CARIBBEAN STATE OF MIND

Turn your notifications off because vacation mode starts now. Sail onboard Enchantment of the Seas® from Tampa, Florida and explore the emerald shores of some of the western Caribbean’s most beautiful destinations, like Cozumel and Belize City — plus our award-winning private island, Perfect Day at CocoCay .

THE THRILLS STARTS IN TAMPA

Tampa is your gateway to adventure. Kickstart your vacation to western Caribbean shores even before you set sail. Wander through the historical Cuban-Spanish neighborhood of Ybor City, surrounded by red brick buildings. Travel back in time as you explore the SS American Victory, a World War II ship open to the public. And admire the colorful exhibits at the Tampa Art Museum.

CRUISE FROM TAMPA

CARIBBEAN VIEWS AND HUES

The top-rated shores of the  western Caribbean  are yours for the taking on a weeklong adventure onboard Enchantment of the Seas®. Trek through lush jungles in  Puerto Costa Maya . Scope out the only jaguar preserve in the world in  Belize . And chill in a beach hammock in  Roatán .

EXPLORE WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISES

WHAT TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GO ENCHANTMENT OF THE SEAS ® IS YOUR TICKET TO ADVENTURE

You’ll always find plenty of ways to fill your days onboard Enchantment of the Seas ®.

Scale the 40-foot-tall signature Rock Climbing Wall to take in breathtaking views. Marvel at Broadway-style shows and indulge in mouthwatering dishes from around the world. And when you want to soak up the sun, head to the adults-only Solarium, where a retractable glass roof lets you bask in comfort.

With a guest capacity of just over 2,700 cruisers, Enchantment of the Seas ® is one of the smaller Royal Caribbean® ships — ideal for anyone who enjoys a quainter cruising experience.

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Brilliance of the Seas makes it impossible to feel bored during a vacation! These top things to do onboard this beloved cruise ship make it a fan favorite for many.

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Enjoy an insider’s guide to discovering the best family cruises for your next vacation onboard Brilliance of the Seas. Start sailing today.

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Enjoy an insider’s guide to the best places to eat on your cruise vacation while dining onboard Brilliance of the Seas at its many restaurant options.

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Brilliance of the Seas, smaller than Oasis Class cruise ships, offers an intimate low-key vibe that has kept a strong fanbase among vacation travelers.

CRUISE SHIP ENCHANTMENT OF THE SEAS REVIEWS

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Enchantment Of The Seas

Cruise line Royal Caribbean

• Tampa (Florida)

Enchantment Of The Seas current position

Enchantment Of The Seas current location is at Caribbean Sea (coordinates 18.57076 N / -87.63429 W) cruising en route to COSTA MAYA MX. The AIS position was reported 2 hours ago.

Current itinerary of Enchantment Of The Seas

Enchantment Of The Seas current cruise is 7 days, round-trip Western Caribbean Cruise . Prices start from USD 1043 (double occupancy rates). The itinerary starts on 06 Apr, 2024 and ends on 13 Apr, 2024 .

Specifications of Enchantment Of The Seas

•   Itineraries
•   Review
•   Wiki

Enchantment Of The Seas Itineraries

Enchantment of the seas review, review of enchantment of the seas.

The 1997-built Enchantment of the Seas cruise ship is the 4th Vision-class Royal Caribbean liner, with sisterships Vision OTS , Legend OTS (now Marella Discovery 2) , Grandeur OTS , Rhapsody OTS , Splendour OTS (now Marella Discovery) .

The vessel (IMO number 9111802) is currently Bahamas- flagged (MMSI 311733000) and registered in Nassau .

History - construction and ownership

Royal Caribbean International (RCI) is a US passenger shipping company, trademarked travel brand, and subsidiary owned by Royal Caribbean Group (RCG/shipowner). RCI was established in 1968 and currently has over 1/5 of the worldwide cruise market. RCI also has RCG's largest fleet by both vessel number and GT tonnage (ship sizes and capacities).

All RCI liners have names ending with "of the Seas".

The 2000-passenger ship Enchantment OTS was enlarged/lengthened during drydock 2005 refurbishment, when a 73-ft / 22-m long midsection was added.

This is the reason why parts of the ship sparkle like new, while others show a bit of wear. Although the external appearance of the Enchantment of the Seas is slightly faded, the midsection (both inside and outside) is still looking comparatively new and offers a larger pool deck, funky suspension bridges, Boleros Latin lounge, Ben and Jerry's, Champagne Bar and Centrum Atrium with glass-enclosed elevators.

Decks and Cabins

Enchantment Of The Seas staterooms (1142 total, in 22 grades) include 94 Suites, 154 Balcony, 431 Oceanviews, 463 Inside. Cabin sizes vary between 130-150-190 ft2 (12-14-18 m2). Most cabin balconies are sized 40 ft2 / 4 m2. The largest is the Royal Suite (1185 ft2 / 110 m2 plus 140 ft2 / 13 m2 terrace). Wheelchair-accessible cabins are 19.

The boat has 12 decks , of which 11 are passenger-accessible and 5 with cabins.

Shipboard dining options - Food and Drinks

For a quick bite choose Enchantment's Windjammer Marketplace. It's set up in various stations, so you can grab everything from cheeses and pizza to carved meats and desserts. Beginning at 3 pm, Afternoon Tea is offered there each day. During busy times, it's difficult to find tables. For more formal dining, better check out the 2-level My Fair Lady dining room. It's open daily from 7 to 9:30 am for breakfast and from 12-noon to 1:30 pm for lunch (when it's converted into a Brasserie 30 restaurant, which serves excellent dishes like shells with pesto sauce). Set-seating dining times are 6 pm and 8:30 pm. Passengers can opt for any-time dining, which allows to avoid set tablemates and eat between 6 and 9:30 pm.

The alternative dining venue onboard is Chops Grille, which carries a fee of $25 per person.

Follows the complete list of Enchantment of the Seas restaurants and food bars.

• My Fair Lady Restaurant (1346-seat aft Dining Room; offers Brasserie 30 lunch on sea days)
• Windjammer Cafe Lido buffet restaurant (566-seat, offers Early Breakfast at 6:30 am, Breakfast between 7-11:30 am Lunch 11.30-3:30 pm, Dinner 6.30-9 pm)
• Chops Grille (108-seat specialty restaurant; reservations recommended)
• Park Cafe (68-seat deli restaurant; complimentary - serves the Solarium area).

Shipboard entertainment options - Fun and Sport

Orpheum Theater is the venue to go for shows. It hosts everything from comedic performances and musical revues to free first-run movies. The theatre comprises space on Decks 5 and 6. Flashy Casino Royale is situated between Boleros Lounge and Orpheum Theater on Deck 5 and features an exciting see-through floor close to the entrance and lots of lights, as well as blackjack, roulette, craps, poker and slot machines.

For daytime fun, the main pool deck is the spot to participate in funny contests, from Ms. Biceps to belly-flopping. Most enrichment consists of activities like gaming lessons in the casino and dance classes in the disco, free of charge. If you expect lectures and the like, Enchantment of the Seas probably is not the ship for you. The line offers a number of shore excursions through its "Explorations!" desk. Glass-bottom boat trips and sightseeing tours are very popular, as are beach excursions, but have in mind that you may be able to access some of the beaches for free or for a lower price if you go on your own.

Additional amenities include Complimentary 24-hour Room-Service, Adventure Ocean (Youth program), Internet/WiFi Access, Laundry.

Follows the complete list of Enchantment of the Seas lounges, clubs and other entertainment venues for kids, teens, and adults.

• Orpheum Theater (870-seat, features grand production shows with dance, acrobatics, comedy, and games)
• Photo Gallery and Shop; Art Gallery
• The Centrum (5-deck atrium and social hub, offers aerial acrobatics entertainment); Spotlight Lounge (575-seat show lounge); Crown Lounge (fka Diamond Club Lounge & Bar for past guests only); Concierge Club (suite and past guests only); Viking Crown Lounge and Nightclub
• R Bar (52-seat cocktail bar); Boleros Lounge and Bar (113-seat); Cafe Latte-tudes Bar (36-seat coffee bar, Starbucks Coffee); Ben and Jerry’s (ice cream bar); Schooner Bar (135-seat piano bar); Island Bar; Oasis Bar
• Centrum Boutiques (duty-free; clothes, perfumes, accessories, jewelry, logo souvenirs, General Store/alcohol, and cigarettes)
• Casino Royale (259-seat)
• Royal Caribbean Online Center (Internet computers room; 24-hour)
• Vitality at Sea Spa and Fitness Center; 6 jacuzzis; 3 pools
• Solarium lounge (includes Cafe Bar, pool bar and adults-only pool area)
• Outdoor Movie Screen
• Video Games Arcade; Fuel Teen Disco club; Royal Babies and Tots Nursery
• Adventure Beach; Adventure Ocean kids lounge area
• Sports Court (golf simulator, table tennis, basketball court); Vita Course Jogging Track; Rock-climbing Wall; Bungee Trampolines.

Itineraries

Enchantment of the Seas itinerary program was based on year-round short breaks (3- and 4-day roundtrips) to The Bahamas out of Port Canaveral Florida USA .

In 2021, RCI started Enchantment OTS' homeporting in Baltimore MD , replacing Grandeur OTS . The roundtrips (5-7-8-12-nights itineraries) visit ports in Bermuda ( Kings Warf /5-night), Florida-Bahamas (7-8-nights), Southern Caribbean (12-night).

In summer 2023, the ship was deployed in Europe/Mediterranean for 7-day voyages leaving from Greece (Piraeus-Athens), Italy (Civitavecchia-Rome, Porto Corsini-Ravenna) and Spain (Barcelona). Following the Mediterranean deployment, Enchantment OTS changes homeporting with Tampa Florida , for 7-day roundtrips to Western Caribbean ports visiting Mexico (Cozumel, Costa Maya), Honduras (Roatan Island) and Belize City. In 2023-2024-2025 the ship offers from Tampa short breaks (4-5-day itineraries) to Mexico (Cozumel, and Cozumel+Costa Maya), as well as 7-night summer voyages (Roatan, Belize City, Mexico, Bahamas/CocoCay) plus select Florida-Bahamas cruises to Nassau, Freeport, CocoCay and Key West FL.

Enchantment Of The Seas - user reviews and comments

Photos of enchantment of the seas.

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Enchantment Of The Seas Wiki

Royal Caribbean's Enchantment and Grandeur were the first-ever liners of a major cruise company to have Dynamic Positioning System. Enchantment OTS was built in Finland (completed on July 3, 1997). Vessel's godmother was Colleen Fain - wife of Richard D Fain (Chairman and CEO of Royal Caribbean International). The naming ceremony was on July 12, 1997, held at Port Southampton (England UK) . The next day (July 13) started the inaugural cruise (maiden voyage).

As a Vision-class ship, Enchantment has the Viking Crown Lounge at its Deck 11 - ending the 7-deck high "Centrum" Atrium. This is the perfect 360-degree place for enjoying panoramic sea views.

Enchantment OTS refurbishment 2015 review

For the first time, Enchantment OTS entered drydock in 2005 in Rotterdam (Holland) for less than 2 months. The ship received a major refit (mid-body extension). In 2012, Enchantment was refurbished for the second time - this was Bahamas (Freeport). In 2015, the ship received many technological enchantments, dining menu upgrades, several new features. The list of deckplan changes after drydock 2015 includes:

• the poolside huge movie screen was installed
• complimentary “Park Cafe” (deli restaurant) was added
• “Chef’s Table” (gourmet dining package) was introduced
• “R Bar” (the 1960s themed) was added
• The nursery was added.

In 2021 (September-October) the ship was drydocked at Navantia Shipyard ( Cadiz Spain ), mainly for general maintenance (technical and routine) works.

The following YouTube video reviews the ship's enlarging ( drydock refit and refurbishment ) in 2005.

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Enchantment Of The Seas Overview

This ship is a charmer. With features for sailors of all ages, the Enchantment of the Seas has become a Royal Caribbean favorite. For the youngest passengers, the Enchantment of the Seas offers the Royal Babies and Tots nursery with programs and equipment designed by Fisher-Price. Older kids and adults will have the chance to go wild on the Bungee trampoline that will have you jumping for joy. Adults will enjoy the serenity of the Enchantment of the Seas’ Solarium and the retro-inspired R Bar where you’ll be able to order a selection of classic cocktails.

• Passenger Capacity: 2,252 (double occupancy)
• Year Built: 1997
• Last Refurbished: 2017

Enchantment Of The Seas Cruise Destinations

With cruises to 72 countries on six continents, you can sail just about anywhere in the world with Royal Caribbean. This contemporary, innovative line offers unique and exciting itineraries that are designed to wow. They offer sailings that range from a tropical paradise to a thrilling tundra. Destinations include, but are not limited to: Alaska, Australia, Canada/New England, the Caribbean, the Mediterranean, Northern Europe, the Panama Canal and South America. 

A truly blissful vacation filled with beaches, Bahamian customs, and sunshine awaits you on a cruise to the Bahamas.

Southern Caribbean

Tropical cuisine, European influence through the islands, and incredible people are highlights of a cruise to the Southern Caribbean.

Western Caribbean

Jamaican waterfalls, intriguing cultures, and cave tubing—cruise to the Western Caribbean.

Enchantment Of The Seas Departure Ports

Royal Caribbean not only builds their ships to have a wow factor, but they also make their itineraries just as appealing.  Royal has ships stationed across the U.S. and in several international ports to give their passengers lots of opportunity to get to a cruise quickly and easily. You can cruise from Miami to Seattle or Perth to Rotterdam, there’s a departure port for you. Find out more about Royal Caribbean’s itineraries and ships when you contact a qualified consultant at The Cruise Web. 

Tampa, Florida

Whether it’s a trip to the historical streets of Ybor, a day in the Florida Aquarium or a nice Cuban-infused meal, your time in Tampa will make you consider a longer stay.

Enchantment Of The Seas Deck Plans

Deck twelve, enchantment of the seas staterooms.

Balcony (1B)

Balcony (nq), balcony (xi), balcony (xn), balcony (xq), balcony (xb).

Balcony (2B)

Balcony (X)

Two twin beds (can convert into queen-size), private balcony sitting area with sofa and a private bathroom. Rates vary from deck to deck.

Balcony (D1)

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, private balcony, sitting area with sofa bed, and a private bathroom.

Balcony (D2)

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King, sitting area, private balcony and private bathroom. Up to 4 guests.

Balcony (3B)

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King, sitting area, private balcony and private bathroom. Up to 5 guests.

Inside (1V)

Inside (2v), inside (3v), inside (4v), inside (ci), inside (zq), inside (zi).

Inside (FI)

Two bedrooms with twin beds that convert to Royal King size beds,sofa and/or Pullman beds, minibar, sitting area. Please note: A minimum number of guests may apply.

Two twin beds (can convert into queen-size), vanity area, and a private bathroom.

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, measuring 72.5 inches wide by 82 inches long, vanity area and a private bathroom.

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, vanity area, and a private bathroom.

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King and private bathroom. Up to 4 guests.

Inside (6V)

Inside (1M)

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King, sitting area with sofa, vanity area and a private bathroom. Oversized window provides extended view. Up to 4 guests.

Inside (1R)

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King, sofa and/or Pullman beds, minibar, sitting area. Up to 6 guests.

Oceanview (1M)

Oceanview (1N)

Oceanview (2n), oceanview (3n), oceanview (4n), oceanview (co), oceanview (yq), oceanview (yo).

Oceanview (PV)

Floor to ceiling window. Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, measuring 72.5 inches wide by 82 inches long, sitting area with sofa, vanity area and a private bathroom. Oversized window provides extended view.

Oceanview (1K)

Two sets of two twin beds that convert to Royal King, sitting area with sofa bed, separate area with bunk beds and a private bathroom with shower. Up to 8 guests.

Oceanview (Y)

Two twin beds (can convert into one queen-size bed), private bathroom, vanity, hair-dryer, mini-bar, closed-circuit TV, radio and phone.

Oceanview (I)

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King size bed, sitting area with sofa, vanity area and a private bathroom. Please note: Staterooms 3000-3014, 3500-3514, 2008-2014, & 2508-2514 have two portholes instead of a window. Stateroom 7008 has a partially obstructed view.

Oceanview (FO)

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, additional bunk beds in separate area, separate sitting area with sofa bed, and a private bathroom with shower.

Oceanview (F)

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, sitting area with sofa, vanity area and a private bathroom.

Oceanview (G)

Oceanview (h), oceanview (g1), oceanview (g2).

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King and private bathroom. Up to 4 guests

Oceanview (6N)

Grand entrance with doorbell. Bedroom with king-size bed, and private bathroom with whirlpool tub, private balcony, living room with queen-size sofa bed and baby grand piano. Up to 4 guests

Marble entry with door bell. Queen-size bed, bathroom with tub. Separate living area with a queen-size sofa bed. Up to 4 guests.

Marble entry. Room has two twin beds that convert to Royal King, private balcony, sitting area and private bathroom with tub. Up to 4 guests.

Queen-size bed, private balcony, separate living area with queen-size sofa bed.

Separate bedroom with king-size bed, private balcony, whirlpool bathtub, living room with full-size sofa bed and baby grand piano.

Two bedrooms with two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, two bathrooms (one with shower, one with bathtub), living area with double sofa bed and Pullman bed, and a private balcony.

Two bedrooms with two twin beds that convert to Royal King, two bathrooms (one with shower, one with bathtub), living area with double sofa bed and two Pullman beds, and a private balcony. Up to 8 guests.

Two twin beds (can convert into queen-size), private balcony, private bathroom with bathtub and a sitting area.

Two twin beds that convert to a Royal King, private balcony, private bathroom with bathtub and a sitting area with sofa bed.

Two twin beds that convert to Royal King, private balcony, sitting area with sofa bed and private bathroom with tub. Up to 4 guests.

Photo Gallery for Enchantment Of The Seas Cruise Ship

Royal Caribbean’s ships are known for eliciting wows from passengers. Get a look at their innovative approach to cruising in this photo gallery that features the FlowRider, AquaTheater and Central Park.

Enchantment of the Seas

The Fuel Teen Disco

Schooner Bar

Enchantment of the Seas Stateroom

Theater in the Enchantment of the Seas

Top 10 Enchantment Of The Seas Cruises

• Enchantment of the Seas 7 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Apr 2024 - Oct 2024)
• Enchantment of the Seas 7 NIGHT BAHAMAS & PERFECT DAY Departing From Tampa, Florida (May 2024 - Aug 2024)
• Enchantment of the Seas 4 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (May 2024 - Apr 2026)
• Enchantment of the Seas 6 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Jun 2024)
• Enchantment of the Seas 9 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Oct 2024)
• Enchantment of the Seas 5 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Nov 2024 - Apr 2026)
• Enchantment of the Seas 5 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN HOLIDAY Departing From Tampa, Florida (Dec 2024 - Dec 2024)
• Enchantment of the Seas 10 NIGHT SOUTHERN CARIBBEAN CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Apr 2025)
• Enchantment of the Seas 5 NIGHT BAHAMAS & PERFECT DAY CRUISE Departing From Tampa, Florida (Apr 2025 - Oct 2025)
• Enchantment of the Seas 7 NIGHT WESTERN CARIBBEAN HOLIDAY Departing From Tampa, Florida (Dec 2025 - Dec 2025)

Learn More About Royal Caribbean International

Accessibility

Learn about accessibility-friendly accommodations made by Royal Caribbean for guests with special needs, dietary restrictions and more.

Savor dining aboard Royal Caribbean, including the Windjammer Café, main dining room and room service. Royal Caribbean also has many specialty restaurants and dining or beverage packages.

Entertainment

Enjoy Royal Caribbean's onboard entertainment, including Broadway at Sea, hi-tech Two70 shows, ice skating shows, AquaTheater Diving Shows, DJs, live music, dancing, parades, pool parties, karaoke and more.

Onboard Activities

Have fun participating in Royal Caribbean's onboard activities, including sky diving and surfing simulators, sports courts, zip lines, rock walls, ice rinks, mini golf, pools, cooking demonstrations, wine tastings, duty-free shopping and more.

Service & Awards

Learn how Royal Caribbean takes care of your every need with an extensive list of onboard services. Plus, view Royal Caribbean's cruising awards.

Spa & Fitness

Relax at Royal Caribbean's spa, onboard gym, fitness courses, boxing ring and jogging track. Royal Caribbean's spa has plenty of relaxing treatments like massages, facials and more.

Special Events

Learn about celebrating a special occasion or milestone with Royal Caribbean's special events at sea.

Explore Royal Caribbean's contemporary staterooms, including several classes of suite, balcony, oceanview and inside staterooms.

Youth Programs

Learn about Royal Caribbean's family-friendly experience with youth programs for children, including H2O zone, teen-only hangouts and themed experiences

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Enchantment of the Seas vs Oasis of the Seas

The Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas was built in 1997. It's 12 years older than the Oasis of the Seas , which was built in 2009 and renovated in 2020.

Comparison Overview

Number of passengers, food and restaurants, bars and drinks, pools and hot tubs, ship features and activities, cruise costs, onboard costs.

The Enchantment of the Seas is considered a small size ship. Coming in at 989 feet long and 106 feet wide, it's roughly the length of 2.7 football fields, as wide as 2 tractor-trailers and the same height as a 11-story building. Compared to the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas, the Enchantment of the Seas is 63% smaller in terms of overall tons.

Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas holds 60% fewer passengers than the Oasis of the Seas based on double occupancy (two people per room). When you look at the "Space Ratio," or the total tonnage of a ship compared to the number of passengers, the Enchantment of the Seas has less space per person compared to the Oasis of the Seas.

The Oasis of the Seas uses a neighborhood layout to break up large crowds across the ship, often making it feel less crowded.

Food is a big part of any cruise, and the ship you choose can make a huge difference in your food experience.

The Enchantment of the Seas has 12 different dining options like Windjammer , Chops Grille , and Chef's Table . Of those options, 8 are complementary, or included with your cruise fare. The other 4 options have an additional fee.

The Oasis of the Seas has 14 more dining venues. Some of its popular venues are Giovanni's Table , Chef's Table , and El Loco Fresh . 14 of these restaurants are complementary and the other 12 have an additional fee.

If you like having a variety of places to eat, the Oasis of the Seas might be a better choice. It has 117% more dining options than the Enchantment of the Seas.

If you're looking to avoid extra money while on board, the Enchantment of the Seas might be a better choice then the Oasis of the Seas. More of the dining options are included in the base cruise fare, potentially saving you money.

Restaurants on Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas & Oasis of the Seas

The Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas has 12 fewer bars than the Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas.

In terms of drinks and cocktails, you have a variety of choices. Both ships serve the Coca-cola family of products. That means Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and Barqs Root Beer, although the selection can vary by ship. Most Royal Caribbean ships also have Coke Freestyle machines where you can make 100 different flavor combinations.

You can check out recent the bar menus for the Enchantment of the Seas and the Oasis of the Seas below.

Nothing beats relaxing by a pool with a nice drink in hand as you feel the fresh sea breeze pass by you. The problem is that with thousands of people on a ship, there's not always room. If you want to spend all day for 7 days in a pool, a cruise isn't for you. You would have a much better bet choosing a resort with a huge pool complex. That being said, a quick dip in the pool can be nice on a hot day.

The Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas has a total of 3 pools and 6 hot tubs. Tired of loud kids and splashing? 1 of the pools and 2 of the hot tubs are adults only.

Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas has more pools than the Enchantment of the Seas and more hot tubs.

Cruise Coloring and Activity Books for Kids Get your kids ready for their cruise or keep them entertained while on board with our custom made coloring and activity books. These are the Royal Caribbean editions with places like Studio B and Sorrento's featured.

Cruise Ship Coloring Book for Kids 3-5 - Royal Caribbean Edition

Let's Get Cruising Activity Book for Kids 6-8 - Royal Caribbean Edition

Both ships have lots of activities to keep you busy throughout your cruise. Below you'll see a list of some of the major features on these ships. You might up paying more while on board the Enchantment of the Seas. Only 67% of the activities below are included in your cruise fare. On the Oasis of the Seas, 78% of the activities are included at no additional cost.

Royal Caribbean is a mainstream cruise line. Mainstream cruise lines cater to a variety of guests, hoping to provide something for everyone. These typically cost about $100 - $350 per person per day.

Cruise pricing is dynamic and varies for each specific sailing based on factors such as departure point, ports of call, and time of year. Typically newer ships cost more, so a cruise on Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas will likely be cheaper than on Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas.

Another way to gauge the cost of a cruise is to consider how much you'll spend on board. Even though a lot is included in the base cruise fare, you may still spend money on things like spa treatments, specialty dining, drinks, and excursions. In addition, guests can also have to pay for things like gratuities and tips.

Typically guests can expect to spend about 25 - 40% of the cost of the cruise on onboard expenses. In other words, if the cruise fare is $1,000 per person, you might spend between $250 and $400 on extra expenses.

The table below will help you understand what you might spend onboard a Royal Caribbean ship.

Royal Caribbean uses dynamic pricing, which means the pricing for many things will vary per sailing. The daily gratuities and tip are consistent across the fleet, but the pricing for the drink package, internet, and excursions will change. The only way to know your price is to consult the Royal Caribbean cruise planner once you're booked.

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Surfing on the High Seas – FlowRider on a Cruise Ship

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines

Enchantment of the seas.

We welcome all Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas Cruise Ship Passengers to the Port of Belize City, Belize, Central America. We hope you enjoy your visit to Belize’s mainland. The very best Belize has to offer!

Belize offers an abundance of excursions and activities to delight Enchantment cruisers of all ages and activity levels. From cave tubing, snorkeling, Mayan Ruins, exploring nearby Cayes, or relaxing on the beach, Belize has it all!!!

Belize Cruise Excursions offers a variety of options for you to choose from. Our rates are direct rates from the operators, allowing you to save money while providing a more excellent selection of shore excursions.

Belize Cruise Excursions recommends excursions for Royal Caribbean Enchantment of the Seas passengers for your visit to Belize City based on the arrival and departure times of your Enchantment of the Seas and the length of your visit out of our Port.

We also consider the number of cruise ships arriving on the same day your ship comes to Port. We can then provide you with options on how to avoid the busy excursions when this is appropriate.

Please have a look at our recommended Enchantment of the Seas and itineraries. If you don’t find what you are looking for, click on Excursions in the top navigational buttons for a complete listing of excursions.

Recommended Shore Excursions:

We are diligently working to bring you the best tours available in Belize City.

Belize City, Belize, is uniquely situated in an ideal location that provides access to incredible sea and land adventures.

We specialize in unique and boutique tours in addition to our “best for less” excursions, offering excellent value for some of the most popular tours. Island Marketing provides tours and excursions for almost every budget and individual need.

Belize City and Belize Cruise Excursions are tour and excursion experts representing the best independent operators in Belize. We provide firsthand information on every excursion we offer and recommend the best excursions for you.

That’s the Excursions International difference!

Recommended Excursions

Sun Kissed Goff’s Caye Beach & Snorkeling – $48us

• Beach time on Beautiful Goff's Caye.
• Goff's Caye guided Snorkeling Experience! Snorkel the beautiful Belize barrier reef.
• 4.5 Hour Tour Port to Port. Snorkeling gear included.

Belize Cave Tubing with X-Stream cave tubing tours! – $60us

• All transportation, including pick up and return to Belize Tourism Village at the Belize Cruise Ship Terminal or your Hotel in Belize City
• Two Caves within the Belize Caves Branch System plus Dry Cave Exploration to admire exhilarating Stalactites/Stalagmites Formations.
• RainForest Jungle Explore.

Belize Altun Ha & Zip Line Excursion – $99us

• Double excursion, Altun Ha & Zip Line Adventure!
• Transport from the Port and delicious Belizean lunch included!!
• 5hr tour Port to Port

Howler Monkeys, Baboon Sanctuary, Belize in the wild excursion – $55us

• Discover Howlers Monkeys in their habitat up close and personal.
• All transportation, including pick up and return to Belize Tourism Village at the Belize Cruise Ship Terminal.
• A fun, thrilling and educative tour for all ages.

Belize Lamanai Mayan Ruins and New River Boat Ride Excursion – $115us

• Stunning and thrilling boat ride to Lamanai on the Belize New River.
• Belize Rainforest walk from Temple to Temple.
• Howler Monkeys, Spider Monkeys, Crocodiles..... and more!

Belize Baboon Sanctuary and Zip Line Excursion – $90us

• World Famous Belize rain forest with seven Zip Line platforms.

Belize Cave Tubing & Zip Line Excursion – $99us

• The best of both Worlds, Cave Tubing & Zip Line canopy excursion!
• 1 Cave system and full Zip Line Canopy Tour.
• All transportation (to and from Belize Tourism Village at the Belize Cruise Ship Terminal).

Belize Cahal Pech Maya Ruins – $90us

• Unparalleled Maya masonry construction.
• Rainforest, tropical birds and more!
• Transport from the Port and lunch included!

Belize Kids Cave Tubing with X-Stream! – $85us

• The excursion is designed for young children.
• Small, intimate groups.

Altun Ha Mayan Ruins Belize – $49us

• Beautifully reconstructed Temples.
• Easy climb to main Temples.
• The perfect Mayan Ruins Excursion for young children.

Xunantunich Mayan Ruins Belize – $100us

• Outstanding nature, Rainforest, Howler Monkeys, giant Iguanas and more!
• 2nd tallest structure in Belize offering dramatic views.
• Belizean Lunch Included!

Belize Baboon Sanctuary and Altun Ha Excursion – $95us

• Small groups with Certified BTB & BCIA Guides.
• Beautifully reconstructed and easy to climb Temples.

Belize Zip Line Canopy Excursion – $80us

• World Famous Belize Rainforest.
• 7 Zip line Platforms.
• Outstanding Wildlife.

Belize City Tour, Museum, Rum Factory Excursion – $75us

• Belize City Historical Museum Tour.
• Belize City Tour to the Belize Cathedral, Swing Bridge, Hidden locations and more!
• World famous Travellers Rum Factory Tour and Rum Tasting.

Other Destinations

Bahamas Excursions

Barbados Excursions

Belize Excursions

Cabo San Lucas Excursions

Costa Maya Excursions

Cozumel Excursions

Grand Cayman Excusions

Jamaica Excursions

Puerto Rico Excursions

Roatan Excursions

St. Maarten Excursions

St. Thomas Excursions

We guarantee a full refund of your excursion deposit if your ship can not make it into the port of Belize City, Belize

Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

Love Exploring

These Beautiful Cruise Ships Are Worth The Trip

Posted: October 25, 2023 | Last updated: November 28, 2023

MS Rotterdam, Holland America Line

The 2,668-guest MS Rotterdam is the third in the Pinnacle Class series for Holland America Line. At 984 feet (300m) in length, the craftmanship used to create the classic nautical lines of the ship’s exterior reflects almost 150 years of expertise within the company. Her interiors dazzle too, with fluid lines, vibrant colors and airy, light-filled spaces from the shared areas to the staterooms and suites.

Music is the ship's main inspiration, on show everywhere from the atrium’s dramatic harp-like sculpture to the impressive World Stage, where musicians play against a wraparound LED screen. Thoughtfully curated art is displayed throughout the decks and staterooms too, from museum-quality antiques and works by the masters to avant-garde sculptures and thought-provoking photography by emerging artists. Together, they make up a floating gallery of 2,645 pieces of work ranging in value from around $500-$620,000.

Silver Moon, Silversea

Silversea's  Silver Moon maintains the small-ship intimacy and spacious all-suite accommodation that the cruise line has become known for – yet takes it to a whole new level. The ship's high-end suites have been enriched with elegant decor, premium amenities and luxurious details such as handcrafted beds by Savoir. Bespoke crystal panels by luxury French brand Lalique have been incorporated into the brand's signature restaurant, La Dame.

The innovative new culinary enrichment programme Sea and Land Taste (SALT) is designed to immerse guests in culinary experiences, from classes and market trips to extra-special meals. Dining spaces are filled with unique objects and arts and crafts pieces that draw on influences from all over the world, while color palettes throughout are used to enhance the dining experience. Lighter tones brighten the demo area, the main restaurant has rich details and accents, while the bar has a darker, more mysterious feel.

Scenic Eclipse, Scenic Cruises

Scenic Eclipse  promises to deliver an ultra-luxury cruise experience for up to 228 guests. Her indulgent suites are flooded with natural light thanks to the floor-to-ceiling sliding doors, which open onto a private veranda or terrace. All 114 suites are furnished with king-size beds, ambient lighting and lounge areas. The Owner’s Penthouse Suites are even more incredible, each with its own spacious curved terrace, private spa pool and sun loungers, plus a private lounge and dining area.

The shared spaces are pretty decadent too. There's the 550-square-foot (51sqm) Senses Spa, emblazoned with gold leaf, and multiple pool areas. The stylish Whisky Bar has a floor-to-ceiling translucent quartz display case with 110 varieties of the spirit, while a sculpture of a gown – consisting of 5,400 spoons – marks the entrance to French Champagne bar Lumière.

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Disney Wish, Disney Cruise Line

Disney Cruise Line’s imagineers have once again created a world of enchantment, this time aboard the Disney Wish . The ship welcomed her first guests in summer 2022 and has a distinctly Disney design concept inspired by timeless tales. The motif of 'enchantment' manifests throughout the ship, from the magical forest setting of the Walt Disney Theatre and storybook-inspired staterooms to the fairy-tale-castle Grand Hall, where a dazzling wishing star descends from the shimmering chandelier above.

The Wish Tower Suite, set high in the forward funnel of the ship (which displays the cruise line’s Micky Mouse logo), is a 1,966-square-foot (183sqm) penthouse in the sky and the most unique Disney Cruise Line accommodation yet. Another of the ship's magical features is Disney’s first Frozen -themed theatrical dining experience, which brings the world of Arendelle to life through immersive live entertainment and world-class cuisine infused with Nordic influences.

These are America's best cruises for 2022

Regatta, Oceania Cruises

Regatta is the flagship vessel of Oceania Cruises' fleet and a shining example of the OceaniaNEXT rebuild of the brand’s four 684-guest Regatta Class ships. Her 342 lavish suites and staterooms showcase designer furnishings, while the reimagined public spaces feature Tuscan marble, a revamped color palette of soft sea and sky tones, works of art and a tasteful renewal of fabrics, furnishings and light fixtures.

Regatta has four restaurants including the iconic Grand Dining Room, which has been decked out with new bejeweled chandeliers. Other beautifully refreshed spaces include Aquamar Spa + Vitality Center, eight lounges and bars and a casino. Her decks are made from the finest teak, custom stone and tile work, and her lounges, suites and staterooms have luxurious Neoclassical furnishings.

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Royal Clipper, Star Clippers

Royal Clipper is one of Star Clippers’ three tall ships and officially the largest square rigger in service. The elegant vessel cuts through the water gracefully, just like the legendary clippers from a bygone era. The five-masted, fully rigged tall ship, which has 42 sails, is beautiful to look at. Her Clipper heritage is reflected in polished brass and gleaming brightwork, expansive teak decks, swimming pools, informal dining, a convivial tropical bar and a comfortable piano bar.

The balance of maritime nostalgia and modern cruising is spot-on. Passengers can recline in the bowsprit net suspended above the sea or climb the mast to the Crow's Nest for stunning panoramic views as they sail. The 18,944 square feet (1,760sqm) of open deck and three swimming pools create an expansive outdoor environment. Another notable feature is the Captain Nemo Lounge, the ship's spa and health club, with underwater glass portholes.

Seabourn Encore, Seabourn

Seabourn Encore is the newest striking ship in the cruise line's ultra-luxury fleet. Modeled on the trio of ships introduced with Seabourn Odyssey, Seabourn Encore represents another stage in the evolution of small ship cruising. There are 300 suites in total, including 16 penthouse suites and five penthouse spa suites, all with verandas facing the ocean.

Seabourn Square, designed to be an innovative concierge lounge, invites guests to access every shipboard service in a relaxed, living-room atmosphere. The Square's thoughtful layout includes a library, upscale shops, an outdoor terrace and a coffee bar, all arranged across a light-filled space with dark-wood accents, a subtle color palette and striking blue velvet armchairs.

Le Ponant, Ponant

Le Ponant  is the flagship vessel of French cruise company Ponant. The three-mast cruise yacht, which relaunched in summer 2022, has undergone a complete refit and refurbishment. Designed by French studio Jean-Philippe Nuel, her common areas have refined, clean lines with an elegant finish. The color palette – consisting of off-white, taupe and caviar gray – reflect the classic, sophisticated style, with no need for embellishments or bling.

The accommodation is equally streamlined and elevated, with the number of staterooms and suites halved to just 16, housing a maximum of 32 guests. These are spread over three decks, each benefiting from large windows, and include a particularly lovely and spacious Owner Suite. The company has chosen to place the emphasis on space and freedom aboard Le Ponant, giving guests the sense of being on their own private yacht.

Discover these amazing facts about cruise ships you might not know

MSC Virtuosa, MSC Cruises

MSC Virtuosa was named in homage to the skill and expertise of the architects and shipyard partners who designed and built it. The ship carries all the signature features of an MSC Cruises’ ship. At its heart are glamorous, gleaming mirrored surfaces in the atrium, centered around a sparkly Swarovski-studded staircase linking all three decks of the ship.

The beautifully designed indoor promenade has the longest LED dome at sea and images on the high ceiling can change from an underwater adventure to a space exploration scene. The ship has 21 bars and lounges all with their own style and unique decor, from the futuristic white and blue of the Starship club featuring Rob, the first humanoid robotic bartender at sea, to the earthy colors of traditional pub Masters of the Sea.

Celebrity Apex, Celebrity Cruises

Celebrity Apex is part of Celebrity Cruises’ Edge Series. The ship showcases the talents of British designer Kelly Hoppen CBE, American designer Nate Berkus, Paris-based design firm Jouin Manku and British architect Tom Wright. Hoppen’s inspiration for the accommodation was to create an outward-facing design emphasizing the outdoor scenery. Each of the ship's two Iconic Suites, positioned high above the bridge, have more than 2,500 square feet (232sqm) of opulent indoor and outdoor space, complete with private terrace and hot tub.

The Grand Plaza is one of the ship's most interesting spaces, inspired by the piazzas of Italy. Its chandelier transforms the atmosphere from day to night, with the lighting changing from warm and inviting to bright and dramatic. Other beautifully imagined areas are the Rooftop Garden and the Magic Carpet, a cantilevered, floating platform set 13 floors above sea level.

Queen Mary 2, Cunard

Cunard’s flagship  Queen Mary 2 exudes classic style and elegance. Designed by a team of British naval architects, the traditional ocean liner has a long, sleek bow that makes her ideal for transatlantic crossings. Its black hull, red stripe, distinctive red-and-black funnel crown and bright white decks evoke the appearance of ocean liners of a bygone era.

Take a look at these nostalgic images of cruising through the ages

The lavish accommodation includes beautiful duplex suites, each with a spiral staircase, walk-in closet, marble bath and private balcony. A daily afternoon tea is served by white-gloved waiters in the Queens Room restaurant, while Godiva at Sir Samuel’s has a decadent display of pralines and truffles. Elsewhere, the planetarium 3D cinema sends guests on an epic voyage across the solar system.

Seven Seas Splendor, Regent Seven Seas

An art collection worth around $5 million is displayed throughout the  Seven Seas Splendor . The impressive floating gallery includes more than 500 crystal chandeliers and more than an acre of Italian marble which fits in well with the ship's sophisticated style. Other standout aspects are the mythical dragon that greets diners at Pacific Rim restaurant and the alcoves that jut over the ocean at Sette Mari at La Veranda.

Each of the beautifully appointed suites has a private balcony, while the palatial Regent Suite – perched on the 14th deck – has a wraparound veranda over the ship’s bow. Its custom-made Treesse mini-pool spa is situated on the front balcony, while the king-sized Vividus bed was handcrafted by upscale Swedish brand, Hästens.

Viking Octantis, Viking Cruises

The new Polar Class  Viking Octantis  is imagined by the same interior designers, nautical architects and engineers who designed the cruise line’s longships and ocean ships. An integrated bow creates a longer waterline for the ship, featuring the company’s signature Scandinavian influence. Each stateroom has a Nordic-style balcony and a sunroom, while floor-to-ceiling, distortion-free glass allows guests to take in the views and keep the elements out. The top of the panoramic glass lowers to transform the stateroom into a sheltered lookout.

The stunning Explorers’ Lounge, pictured, has two decks at the bow of the ship with double-height windows to take in the scenery. Other cleverly laid-out areas include the Finse Terrace, an outdoor lounge area just above sea level with has recessed couches and lava rock fire pits, and the Aquavit Terrace and pools, set under a retractable glass dome. The design of the spa and fitness center is in keeping with Viking’s Nordic heritage, featuring a thermal suite with traditional Norwegian badestamp (wood-sided hot tub).

Emerald Azzurra, Emerald Cruises

Emerald Cruises’ first-ever luxury superyacht, Emerald Azzurra , launched in March 2022. She stretches to 361 feet (110m) in length and carries just 100 guests across 50 deluxe suites and staterooms. The yacht's sleek design enables her to venture to ports and harbors many other, bigger cruise ships are unable to access. Onboard, the infinity-edge pool offers incredible views of passing scenery.

There are six suite and stateroom categories on the Emerald Azzurra, each wonderfully luxurious (though some a little more so). The oversized Owner’s Suites are the most opulent, with separate bedroom and lounge areas. Best of all, guests can soak up the sun from the large private curved terrace with uninterrupted views. Designer wing chairs and footstools are a fixture in the Observation Lounge, and can be taken outside on clear days and for cinema evenings.

Now take a look at more exciting new cruise ships coming soon

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Vacation horror as ‘drunk’ son, 20, jumps from royal caribbean cruise in front of family.

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A cruise turned into a nightmare for people aboard Royal Caribbean’s Liberty of the Seas when a young man jumped overboard shortly after 4 a.m. Thursday.

The 18-story ship was sailing between Cuba and the Bahamas’ Grand Inagua Island when the as-yet-unidentified man jumped off one of the decks.

According to onlookers, his father and brother watched helplessly as he leaped over the side.

Some passengers said it appeared to be an impulsive, spur-of-the-moment decision. 

“I had hung out with him and his brother in the hot tub until 3:30,” passenger Bryan Sims tells The Post. ” It was standing room only. He sat right beside me the whole time.”

“He was pretty drunk,” Sims continues.

“As we were walking from the hot tub back to the elevators, his dad and brother were walking towards us. His dad was fussing at him for being drunk, I guess.” “When we got to them, he said to his dad, ‘I’ll fix this right now.’ And he jumped out the window in front of us all.” 

“There was a lot of yelling, and the crew was alerted immediately,” another passenger,  Deborah Morrison, told The Post.

“His family was horrified. Just beside themselves. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’re going through.”

“It was insane,” says Sims. “It was just surreal.” 

In a statement to The Post, Royal Caribbean said its crew immediately sprang into action following the incident.

“The ship’s crew immediately launched a search and rescue effort alongside the US Coast Guard, who has taken over the search,” the statement reads.

“Our Care Team is providing support and assistance to the guest’s family during this difficult time. For the privacy of the guest and their family, we have no additional details to share.”

News of the apparent suicide attempt quickly spread among the guests — and many of them tried to help in any way they could.

“The early morning was definitely somber as so many people came out of their cabins to stare at the sea, hoping to be able to aid in finding the person,” said Amy Phelps Fouse, a passenger on the ship.

“Royal Caribbean has been excellent at communicating updates throughout the day,” Fouse continued. “They have asked that people act with compassion in light of the tragic situation.”

Overboard incidents on cruise ships are rare.

According to the Washington Post , about 386 people were reported to have gone overboard on the major cruise lines between 2000 to 2020.

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The incidents, whether accidental or intentional, are often deadly.

In the past few years, most cruise lines have enacted onboard safety measures and surveillance systems to help reduce the risk of overboard deaths.

The Coast Guard confirmed to The Post it is still conducting a search and rescue operation in the waters off Cuba. The man has not yet been found.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free and confidential crisis counseling. If you live outside the five boroughs, you can dial the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention hotline at 988 or go to  SuicidePreventionLifeline.org .

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