Breaking News
Coachella on the high seas
- Copy Link URL Copied!
The S.S. Coachella cruise is the exact opposite of what the landlocked Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival is for most fans. Imagine what that weekend in Indio would be like without the parking hassles and dehydration, but instead with breakfast in bed and an entire ecosystem devoted to keeping you drunk at all times.
You get some staple bands of recent landlocked Coachellas — Brit pop veterans Pulp, disco kings Hot Chip and Electro-rockers Yeasayer — and then you drink with them, play cards with them and never once worry about driving home.
The Coachella Festival has staged rock, electronica, hip-hop and indie acts every year since 2001, drawing around 80,000 fans in 2012. But this is the first year promoter Goldenvoice has expanded its festival to a cruise setting, launching two cruises in succession.
Best of 2012: Video Games | Movies | TV | Music | Jazz
This week the S.S. Coachella sailed with just under 3,000 passengers and 1,000 crew members to the Bahamas for four days of sunburned revelry. The inaugural voyage left Fort Lauderdale on Sunday bound for Nassau and returned Wednesday.
The crowd looked to be essentially the same one from Indio’s Coachella VIP tent — that means a ship full of KCRW programming honchos, local booking czars and those lithesome, tank-topped party people. If you were starting a local band, there may be no better networking dollar spent than one that gets you on this boat.
I’ve covered every Coachella since 2006, so it was kind of heartening to see its patterns and social mores appear in a new setting. The boat was, unsurprisingly, Las Vegas at sea. More the Cosmopolitan than the Golden Nugget, all lovely Art Deco curves and panoramic deck fantasias. There’s a lot of Sade and Phil Collins on the Muzak, which means someone knows exactly who the audience is here. Everyone is in a fever dream of yacht rock.
“I enjoy this conceptually,” said Josh Tillman, the L.A. singer-songwriter-novelist who performs as Father John Misty, at his fiction reading few nights later. “There are so many things to distract us from the fact that we’re in the middle of the … ocean, this vast abyss. Even the deck chairs are facing inward.”
The music is the point of being here, and it is also entirely beside the point. Concerts are the organizing principle, but the gawking and boozehounding prove popular. The first of many rich ironies came quickly on Sunday night when Pulp played “Common People” onboard a luxury cruise liner.
The Brit pop laceration of slumming art-school dilettantes was performed to a room of music-biz wheeler-dealers en route to the Bahamas. One more moment of accidental poignancy aboard the S.S. Coachella.
“I’ve been a Pulp fan for a long time, and I knew this would be something to remember,” said Fredrik Larsen, who flew out from Stavanger, Norway for the occasion. “I’ve been extremely impressed. It’s so well run, and you get to see Warpaint hanging out at the bar.”
But when Cocker sang the hook of “Common People,” with its bleak invitation to dance, drink and have sex “because there’s nothing else to do,” here it felt more like a rallying cry than a line of desperation. A different class, indeed.
By Monday morning, a satanic hangover seemed to weigh down the crowds. Muscle bros lapped at recuperative micheladas while tottering in the hot tubs; women rubbed their temples behind NASA-grade sunglasses. Whoever booked a raging moombahton DJ for the noon shift deserves a custom-embroidered seat in hell.
As in Indio, daytime is reserved for complaining about your headaches and elegantly wasting sunlight. Sure, you could have played bingo with electro-popstress Grimes, sipped bloody marys with ambient rockers Warpaint or got sassed out at the noise-rap duo Sleigh Bells’ nail salon, but like the terrestrial Coachella, to try to do it all is to do none of it well.
The most authentic way to spend the afternoon was probably with your shoes off under a white tent on the upper deck lawn (a nice touch that purposefully evoked the Polo Fields turf) with a mimosa in your twitching hand.
By Monday night the S.S. Coachella was on open water, gently gliding to the Bahamian coast with a thick slice of orange moon as the only light.
Disco revivalist and LCD Soundsystem frontman James Murphy’s wine-tasting seminar was the evening’s hot ticket, but a concurrent Goldenvoice panel was well-attended and surprisingly candid. It featured several upper-brass staffers at Goldenvoice and KCRW’s Jason Bentley.
Give Goldenvoice honcho Paul Tollett credit — he knows how fans feel. “You need a full weekend. By Day 3, you’re tired, you’re hungry, and you’re cursing Coachella. But then the sun sets and you’re like, ‘Oh, that’s what this is all about.’”
Even the Goldenvoice brass seemed to be playing this cruise by ear. “We don’t know if this will always be a ‘Coachella’ thing,” Tollett said. But it’s clear that the DNA of Coachella is about transporting fans, and this cruise takes that goal quite literally. “We want you to be very far away and disconnected from your house,” Tollett said. “We want you to surrender. Goldenvoice started in punk, we love no-budget shows. But with Coachella, we asked, ‘What if Jay Gatsby threw a festival?’”
By dinner time in the main theater and adjacent nightclub, fuzzy garage punks Black Lips and Sleigh Bells turned in early, rowdy sets to small but enthusiastic crowds of concert-going overachievers. We heard from a colleague at Spin that Dylan Baldi from Cloud Nothings dumped a beer on a guy’s head for moshing too hard, which about sums up the vibe of the actual sets.
“This is fantastic, we’ve done cruises in Scandinavia before but this is so much nicer,” said the Black Lips’ Cole Alexander, on the opening leg, a “Gilligan’s Island”-themed pub crawl. “It’s really cool for the bands as well as fans, I really do feel like I’m on vacation. The 3 a.m. set was a little sloppy, but I think that’s why they booked us for that slot.”
The experience can even feel a little overwhelming for fans. One can never quite shake the sense that whatever you’re doing, you’re missing out on something more fun down the hall. Sometimes it can all make you want to dump a Heineken on someone. But if Coachella logic holds true, the transcendent parts are always soon at hand, which brings me to Tuesday morning.
We were off to Nassau for snorkeling, and a few dozen yellowtail snappers, angelfish and loggerhead turtles were gliding just a few feet below us in the gently-chilly water. After the last two days, it felt good to be in the company of creatures that came by their soggy, glazed-eyed look via DNA rather than Sex on the Ship cocktails.
Yet there is wildlife onboard the S.S. Coachella. Six hours ago I was watching a guy in full-body lemur costume raving his face off to the Gaslamp Killer by the rooftop pool.
The after-hours lounge turned out to be the 15th floor pool bar, where you could post up with a Campari and soda and watch the L.A. music-biz dauphins mingle.
Spotted were FYF’s Sean Carlson, the Eastside’s sound-tech czar Jordan Long, and promoter Franki Chan. Sometimes you’d catch Paul Tollett with his black baseball cap pulled low, surveying his domain.
By the wee hours of Wednesday, the Silhouette Theatre stage is a thrashing hive of bodies for mashup party-provost Girl Talk’s set.
It’s 1 a.m., many are five sheets to the wind. Next to me, a woman is making out with a random shirtless guy, and as if to apologize to his girlfriend standing nearby, she makes out with her next. Confetti is pouring from cannons, someone’s pouring champagne down perfect strangers’ throats like a mother bird feeding her chicks.
It capped a day of appropriately mashed-up absurdities. Hot Chip was a discophile’s delight; Father John Misty’s sci-fi tale of landing an apartment in hell had a touch of Ray Bradbury’s dark comedy; the Black Lips’ pub crawl was exactly what it sounded like (much drinking, with scattered cross-dressing and undressing), and of course we found the good 4 a.m. booze-sop buffet only on our last night at sea.
But this voyage was about throwing a crazy idea — Coachella on a boat — and hoping it could float. Goldenvoice will have to run the numbers to see if it did.
But by the 8 a.m. disembarking call Wednesday morning, the fact that so many looked like they’d been hit by a cement mixer the previous night implied that they might be onboard in the future.
A playlist for the end times
S.S. Coachella 2012: A new ritual begins?
S.S. Coachella 2012: Pulp, Yeasayer stay afloat
PHOTOS AND MORE
Photos: iconic rock guitars and their owners, the envelope: awards insider, photos: grammy top nominees, more to read.
‘It feels so much like home’: 6 L.A. parties that’ll take you to another part of the world
Aug. 28, 2024
8 upcoming shows we’re most excited for at Intuit Dome
Aug. 8, 2024
Can jazz clubs survive in L.A.? The supergroup SML sure hopes so
July 3, 2024
The biggest entertainment stories
Get our big stories about Hollywood, film, television, music, arts, culture and more right in your inbox as soon as they publish.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times.
August Brown covers pop music, the music industry and nightlife policy at the Los Angeles Times.
More From the Los Angeles Times
Quincy Jones’ cause of death revealed to be pancreatic cancer, report says
Nov. 13, 2024
Nelly’s dilemma no more: Rapper cleared in ecstasy possession case in Missouri
Entertainment & Arts
Artist Doug Aitken brings in the L.A. Phil, Natasha Lyonne and a mountain lion for fall’s biggest spectacle
Rocker Ronnie James Dio remembered with bowling fundraiser for cancer awareness and research
Most read in music.
Ex-Bad Boy Records rapper Shyne says Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs ‘destroyed my life’ as mogul awaits trial
Sept. 20, 2024
Rick Springfield and Richard Marx muse on hit songs, martinis, their meet-cute and psychedelics
Nov. 12, 2024
Brianna ‘Chickenfry’ LaPaglia claims ex Zach Bryan ‘emotionally abused’ her: ‘I’m still scared’
Nov. 8, 2024
Sting on his new trio, his old friend Billy Joel and why he’ll never wear spandex
Nov. 11, 2024
Boatchella: The S.S. Coachella Experience!
Photo by Megan Helstone
In this post, i will try to answer all your questions about my first cruise ever, on the celebrity silhouette to jamaica with hot chip, warpaint, pulp, james murphy, father john misty, sleigh bells, girltalk, z-trip, and the black lips , and some other people., q: were pulp’s setlists different on the two legs, a: yes. here is the bahamas setlist, as reported by the able raymond medina:, do you remember the first time pink glove joyriders underwear something changed disco 2000 sorted for e’s & whizz feeling called love his ‘n hers babies like a friend party hard this is hardcore sunrise bar italia common people, and the jamaica cruise went more like this, according to me and the ripped piece of notebook paper i found in a jeans pocket:, do you remember the first time, monday morning, pencil skirt, something changed, sorted for e’s and whizz, f.e.e.l.i.n.g. c.a.l.l.e.d. l.o.v.e, his n’ hers, like a friend, this is hardcore, common people, encore: mis-shapes, q: what kind of fucking nerd cares about that sort of thing, a: this one., q: when did you know you were at a coachella event, a: when i saw a girl with white denim cutoffs and a bra sitting in a whirlpool, watching james murphy dj., q: did jarvis cocker remark that it was jean genet’s birthday on dec 19, a: yes, but he did not perform any of “the maids”, as i had hoped., q: who is the hungriest member of pulp, a: steve mackey always seemed to be in the late-night buffet. always. i mean, so was i, but still., q: was there cool-ass art on the boat, a: yes, some hilarious christian marclay pieces i’d seen at seattle art museum years earlier, but also some damien hirst and gilbert & george and richard serra- a very british selection, on the whole. really cool., q: did you take bunk acid on the boat, a: yes, but in my defense, i thought the world was maybe ending., q: did you really think the world was ending, a: no, but i like acid, and i’m sorry it was bunk. frank mojica wasn’t sure, but he was wearing an eyepatch at the time., q: were the staterooms really big enough for four people to share, a: no, not unless they really liked each other and didn’t mind sleeping with parts of them inside of their friends., q: was it sad that you went stag, a: no, i met up with a tremendous group of people and had many funs, including an opera singer, a fabulous girl from my town and a mentally deficient gap-toothed scouse, q: who are the most obnoxious members of any international group, a: australians i think it’s because they’re in the wrong hemisphere, and feel that there are no repercussions for their actions. that being said, they are very hot., q: did you get seasick on the boat, a: no, but i could sometimes feel it move, which made drinking all the more sensible, so that i could feel like i do when i’m drunk on land., q: remember when pulp had the lightshow with the dolphin in it, q: did they do that again, a: it was a santa, it was cute but kind of weird. also, please note that the neon pulp sign swayed constantly with the ship’s movement, which was strange, q: does jarvis really buy his shirts in the children’s section, a: no, he has them custom-made, and he has a tiny jc embroidered right under his left nipple. mmm, q: did you see celebrities on the boat, a: har mar superstar , perez hilton , haley joel osment and thu tran from food party were all on the boat, q: what song did hot chip end their set with when we thought the world was maybe ending, a: prince’s 1999, q: how many bars did virginia take to identify 1999, a: two bars., q: who are the cutest and spookiest and rockin’est girls on earth, a: warpaint, q: what are your predominant thoughts when surrounded by young, wealthy hipsters, a: i wish i was skinny enough to wear unflattering clothing. is shit-weed a type of weed because that’s what it smells like in here., q: what does it look like when there’s a coachella party on a pool deck in the middle of the ocean.
Q: Is the cruise ship food as great as everyone says?
A: no, but it’s extremely available there is pleasure in walking drunk out of a show and eating french fries at 3 in the morning., q: is it ok to have sex with the cruise staff, a: no. only band members and fellow cruise attendees, which is not fair, given how many of the waitstaff were hot italians. apparently, if you sleep with a staff member (heh), they put you both out on a life raft labeled shark fud to fend for yourselves., q: what do you do if someone breaks up with you before a cruise, a: find someone who looks just like them and have sex with them, it’s a lot simpler, q: what was the funniest thing that happened the first day, a: overhearing a pretty hipster girl berating a barman for having grey goose as his top shelf, and then she mixed it with red bull. pick a lane, amber, q: did you find that, despite your own suspicions about yourself, you loved being on the beach in jamaica, a: no, the reef bit my feet and i don’t like being hot or dirty. that’s why i never went to a coachella in the first place and the lunch was served two hours after ordering, which meant that some of the people in our group had died., q: were the two cruises, to the bahamas and jamaica, a financial success, a: according to the rumors i heard, no. both legs went out at half capacity, which made for great shows where people filed gently into their seats and respected each other, but apparently $5 million was lost on the venture., q: did you enjoy jarvis’ powerpoint lecture on song lyrics, a: yes, he pointed out that lyrics don’t really matter, which makes it strange that he became a lyricist- but pulp has always been more about atmosphere than turn of phrase- he made me laugh with a shakespearean reading of a hard day’s night, which is by livepool’s second most-popular band, the most famous and popular being echo and the bunnymen., q: what are some of the hilarious lyrics presented as possibly being obscene words to the kingsmen’s louie, louie, a: “each night at ten, i lay her again, i fuck my girl all kinds of ways, and on that chair, i laid her there, i felt my boner in her hair.”, q: what prizes did jarvis hand out for a music quiz at the end of the lecture, a: pieces of clothing he no longer wears, including a suit worn, and torn, on the jimmy fallon show. amazing., q: was pulp the most important band on the boat to you, a: is it that obvious, q: do you want to see josh tillman of father john misty sing r. kelly on karaoke, q: do you still have the listing of band-related activities onboard, a: yes here it is, straight from 2012:, • real wine: a natural tasting – come try a selection of the best natural wines with hosts james murphy and fellow oenophile justin chearno . additional $20 fee for this tasting required. wines featured will also be available for purchase on board. , • desert crew – ever wonder who’s behind the scenes and how we put these festivals on year after year here’s your chance to go behind the curtain and find out. be part of an intimate dialogue between moderator jason bentley and some key players within the coachella world. they may even answer some of your questions. , • all hands on decks – a highly trained professional will guide you through a live dj tutorial. then some of you will get to dj or run the decks. each participant will receive their very own s.s. coachella poster with their name prominently featured in the lineup *sign up available at s.s. coachella customer service desk., • dear diary – it’s time to have a good laugh at your unrequited middle school love or that time you stole your bff’s squeeze. scan and send us the juiciest bits from your cherished diaries. are they in a dusty box call mom selected entries will be read live for all to enjoy, by a very special guest. (it was har mar superstar) , • boats n’ crafts – the coachella art studios convoy invites you into our euphoric, free d.i.y. arts n’ crafts workshop. this is where if you can imagine it – you can make it, and if you can make it – you can take it. chop and screw new fashion accessories, make a zine, upcycle materials and much more. open 5 hours a day most days. *no sign up required, come on by, • midnight movies – come get shlocky with girl talk in the celebrity central theatre ghost ship will be screened on the bahamas leg (12:01am 12/18). open water (12:01am, 12/21) and under seige (12/01am, 12/22) will be screened on the jamaica leg., • pointer sisters – we all know sleigh bells’ alexis krauss comes correct with her style. with help from nail master ria lopez , you can too s.s. coachella staffers will buff your stuff and hand you over to ria to do her thang. you’ll have two chances per cruise for this activity. , • it’s a beautiful morning – rough night at sea dust yourself off and get your day started right with a hearty *bloody mary or refreshing *michelada on our pool deck with the ladies of warpaint you’ve got a lot of bands to catch *cocktails must be purchased. *sign up available at s.s. coachella customer service desk., • lazy bingo – b34, g52, n48. stop by and play some lazy bingo with special guest caller grimes . one hour per cruise up on the beautiful lawn club. $5 per bingo card or 4 cards for $15. fabulous prizes to be won, • excerpts – join j tillman ( father john misty ) as he reads passages from some of his favorite pieces of literature. an intimate affair located in michael’s club on tuesday for bahamas or saturday for jamaica, followed by an audience q&a. *sign up available at s.s. coachella customer service desk., • snowball bar crawl – get to know your fellow shipmates. start in small groups, move on to a designated location where you’ll meet up with more groups and so on. as you progress, groups snowball until there are more people than you can count. we won’t spoil the surprise. , • s.s. minnow pub crawl – are you a ginger or a mary ann dress as your favorite shipmate & tag along with the black lips on a tour through the ships finest bars. watch out, skipper 2 hour aprox. crawling time, once per cruise..
2 thoughts on “ Boatchella: The S.S. Coachella Experience! ”
You give great FAQ! I wish I was on the Jamaica cruise instead – one more day onboard and tripping people is just what the doc ordered.
Thanks Ray! Golly, it was fun!
Comments are closed.
IMAGES